How to Deal with Homesickness After Moving

As a kid, I thought the epitome of homesickness was the four weeks I would spend away at overnight camp every summer. And then I moved to college in another state. Being so far away from home—not just the physical structure of my house but the family, friends, and familiar sites that defined my comfort zone—was an overwhelming undertaking. And if you’ve ever moved away from home, chances are you’ve had similar feelings.

Homesickness is a longing for the familiar. It’s common during any sort of transition—camp, college, moving in to your first house or apartment. For some, it’s pervasive and debilitating. Homesickness can present as anxiety, sadness, or fear; all natural reactions to transferring out of comfortable environments and in to the unknown. For others, it’s more of a general feeling of loss for the security and predictability of wherever they define as “home.” But regardless of how hard you’re feeling it, homesickness is natural. It’s also possible to overcome. Here are some tips to get you through.

Learn how to identify homesickness

“The defining feature of homesickness is recurrent cognitions that are focused on home (e.g., house, loved ones, homeland, home cooking, returning home), and the precipitating stressor is always an anticipated or actual separation from home,” according to a clinical report published by the Academy of Pediatrics. So how can you know if you’re experiencing homesickness as opposed to depression or anxiety for another reason? Ask yourself: am I unhappy with my situation because it’s bad, or am I just missing my old life?

There are four main risk factors for homesickness, the report goes on: (1) feelings of unfamiliarity brought on by a new experience; (2) your attitude toward the new experience (sometimes expecting to be homesick can bring on a self-fulfilling prophecy); (3) your personality and ability to warm up to new people and situations; and (4) outside factors, such as how much you wanted to move in the first place and how your friends and family back home are taking it.

Coping with homesickness starts with being able to recognize it. Once you do, you can accept it for what it is and move on to actionable steps toward overcoming it.

Don’t give it a timeline

Sometimes you feel homesick before you even close the door on your old home and embark on the journey to your next one. Sometimes the feelings don’t hit you until you’ve lived in a new place for months and the newness of your situation has started to wear off. No matter when the feelings emerge, however, it’s important to acknowledge them and accept them for what they are. There is no right or wrong way to feel about homesickness and no right or wrong time for it to appear. And just as you can’t control when it starts, don’t stress about trying to control when it goes away.

Allow yourself to feel sad, but don’t let it define you

Unlike depression or anxiety from a mental health disorder, homesickness is situational. “It’s normal and adaptive to feel homesick for some period of time. It’s just your emotions and mind telling you you’re out of your element,” says Josh Klapow, PhD, clinical psychologist and associate professor at the University of Alabama’s School of Public Health, in an interview with CNN. And as such, you do have some control over how you let it affect you. So instead of clinging to what you’ve lost, embrace what’s new. Talk to your friends and family back home when you need to, but try to focus less on obsessively keeping in touch and more on building new relationships that can help make you feel more like yourself again.

Use nostalgia to your advantage

Nostalgia isn’t just about the past—it’s also about the future, according to a study published in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin. Don’t consider the past something that your present or future can’t live up to. Instead, look at the most positive aspects of what you’ve left behind and figure out ways to recreate them in your new context. Did you love playing on a recreational sports league in your old city? Find a new team to play on where you live through a site like League Hippo or LeagueLineUp. Miss grandma’s cooking? Ask her to send you some recipes so you can try to recreate them in your own kitchen. Use your nostalgia to look for clues about what makes you feel happy in your home, and use those things as guidelines for creating a better today and tomorrow.

Build a network

Keep your old friends, but make new ones, too. It’s important to establish a circle of support when you’re in a new place, especially if you’re dealing with feelings of loneliness or anxiety. Not sure where to start? Look for ways to build relationships around commonalities, for example getting involved in a social activity or volunteer opportunity that speaks to something you’re passionate about. There are lots of ways to feel more connected to your new home, and having people you can talk to and rely on there is one of the biggest.

Create new routines and transitions

Whether you’re away from home temporarily or have made the move for good, make an effort to establish new ways of living that both differentiate your new home from your old one and make it feel more familiar. When I moved from Chicago to Miami, I found peace from homesickness by adopting a dog and taking her for long walks around my new neighborhood. You don’t have to go that drastic—even something as simple as finding a favorite breakfast place for the weekends is a positive step toward putting down roots. As your new traditions become commonplace, so too will your life away from home.

Get out of the house

Feelings of isolation will only exacerbate homesickness. While your new home may feel like a safe haven in a sea of unfamiliarity, it can just as easily become a trap that keeps you from fully experiencing what’s around you. Make a conscious choice to get out of the house every day and engage with your new environment. Try out nearby restaurants, visit local attractions, or even just walk around and see what’s there. The more time you spend out of the house, the more time you’ll spend out of your head (and the quicker you’ll adapt).

Stay healthy

Taking care of yourself physically is always important, but especially so if you have an additional stressor like homesickness. Exercise can help alleviate both short and long term depression and anxiety, in turn helping you feel better during a transitional period. As an added benefit, it’s easy to take exercise out of the home and combine it with other things that help alleviate homesickness, such as meeting new people and getting outside.

Keep a journal

Writing down your thoughts is an excellent way to work through them and identify patterns of distress. If it helps, give yourself writing prompts, such as “what I miss about home” or “how my homesickness makes me feel.” Then write truthfully, without censoring your thoughts. The goal isn’t to wallow, but to untangle how you feel so that you can better communicate it to yourself. Don’t stress if you’re having a tough time staying positive. While the goal of journaling about homesickness is to help alleviate it, there’s no use denying how you’re feeling in the moment. Use what you write as a foundation for making changes, looking for the specific things that are getting you down the most and then thinking of ways to combat them.

Ask for help if you need it

Just because homesickness isn’t an illness doesn’t mean you can’t seek out help and support for it. If you’re really struggling, make an appointment with a counselor or therapist to discuss your feelings and what you can do about them. This may mean regular talk therapy until you’re doing better, or it may mean you need some medicinal support as well. There is absolutely no shame in reaching out for help for your homesickness, so if it’s interfering with your life or making you feel sad more than you feel okay, look into seeking professional assistance and advice.

Homesickness is a normal and natural part of growing and moving on to new things. Learning how to deal with the feelings that come along with it can make you a stronger person, not just in the moment but in the years to come. So embrace homesickness for what it is, but also take the steps needed to work through it. Eventually, you will experience those comfortable feelings of home again.