Moving for Love: 6 Questions to Ask Before You Leap

Dating: Is there a topic so fraught with wonder and worry, fear and fascination? Probably not.

And with our work routines, jam-packed schedules and constant go-go-go, dating is increasingly more complicated.

So when you finally meet someone you like, your first thought is likely, “Hooray!”—and not necessarily where a person lives. Dating is complicated enough if the object of your affections lives in your own town, but what if they’re from someplace else?

As it happens, this is something I know about, intimately: I met a man about a year and a half ago at a business conference. I was smitten. And it was great. But he lived 3,000 miles away.

So, when we could no longer stand the distance, we decided it was time. We talked about it at length and decided that we were ready for “The Move.” With that, I packed my worldly belongings, loaded a truck and headed across the country.

For me, it was absolutely the right decision, but it’s not right for everyone. It’s a decision that comes with lots of questions, and it’s not without its share of risks.

Moving for love can be incredibly rewarding. There are smiles to see each day, cups of coffee to share and hands to hold. But though it has many rewards, it’s not a decision that’s without its risks. Before you take the leap, think about it. Talk with your partner about it. Be sure. Then, and only then, should you pack up your life and go.

If you’re in a relationship where you’re thinking about taking the big step, there are some necessary questions you should ask yourself before making the leap across the country.

1. The city where your partner lives

It doesn’t matter how enchanting your partner is: If you don’t like where you’re going to be living, you’re not going to be happy.

Before you move, think long and hard about whether it’s a place you really want to be, with or without your significant other.

2. Living arrangements

Will you and your significant other be living together? Or will you have your own place? What if, after living together for a while, you find out that you make each other crazy?

Make sure you talk about these things with your partner before you move. It’s a hard conversation to have, but talking about the big things in advance will save you from pounding your head against a wall in the future.

3. Long-term future

You have to explore the obvious question: Do you see yourself with this person long-term? If so, that’s great.

If not, think about why you’re picking up your entire life to move it someplace new.

4. Employment

Finding jobs in this day and age isn’t easy. If you have a job that can travel with you, then you’re set, but what if you need to find something new?

Make sure your job prospects are real, not pie-in-the-sky hopeful.

5. Can you afford it?

Along the same lines as the job hunt, think long and hard about money.

Moving is expensive. Even if you do it yourself, a cross-country move can cost several thousand dollars, and that’s just to move your stuff. Then there’s gas, lodging, food, paying for rent and those pesky living expenses once you get to your new home.

Having financial stuff worked out before you hit the road can save you a ton of heartache, because there are few things in the world that cause resentment the way money can.

6. A support system

If things don’t work out—and this is always a possibility for which you have to steel yourself—do you have friends or family in the area to whom you can turn? If you’re in an unfamiliar city and suddenly find yourself all alone, will you be able to move on?

Think about how you’d handle something like that before you take the leap.