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6 Simple Steps to Making Friends in a New City
Moving is hard. Moving to a new city without friends is harder.
How to make friends in a new city
In 2015, I left my comfortable circle of friends for a city halfway across the country. I quite literally knew no one in my new state – let alone in my new city. While it was certainly a transition, I managed to learn a handful of things about making new friends in my late twenties. For starters, friends do not magically fall into your lap. Making friends requires effort, which means you can kiss those Friday nights a la pajamas and Netflix goodbye. It can be time-consuming and sometimes, even awkward. But, I promise, the rewards you’ll reap from finding friends (even one good one) will make all of those awkward friend dates so worth it. Here’s my tried-and-true advice on finding your new adult BFF once you’ve moved to your new city.
Say “yes” to all plans (at first)
When you first move to a city, it’s important to seize every opportunity possible to hang out with new people. Before I moved, I would have run from the idea of spending quality time – by myself – with near strangers. However, once I started forcing myself to say “yes” to all of my neighbor’s game night invitations – and to various other brunches, dinners and events – my friend pool grew by leaps and bounds. The first few months you live anywhere, cast as wide of a net as possible by meeting “friends-of-friends.” Show up for everything and don’t expect too much too soon. Rule of thumb: all it takes is one good friend. Once you find your mimosa-sipping bestie to meet other people with, the friend-making process becomes so much easier.
Find classes
Remember the days when it was easy to bond with classmates? Studies show that repeated exposure to a potential friend is an important (and often overlooked) part of forming a friendship. After all, it’s difficult to bond with someone you only see sporadically. Attending classes is a good way to interact with people on a regular basis. Find a class that sparks your interest such as gym classes, tennis lessons, cooking classes, computer classes, writing workshops, or golf lessons – and try to go consistently. After my latest move, I joined a boutique fitness studio, and began attending their workout classes and events on a regular basis. Before long, I was friends with the instructors and many of the members who went daily. Joining this community has introduced me to some of my best friends in the area.
Get involved in the community
There’s consistent research out there showing that people with strong social ties and friendships live longer and healthier lives. One way to meet these future friends is by getting involved in a cause or project in your new home. Enjoy volunteering? Research nearby volunteer opportunities at www.volunteermatch.org . Like socializing? Attend local events, fundraisers and gatherings in your community. Whether it’s joining your neighborhood HOA board or volunteering at a local museum, I highly recommend getting involved in your new city somehow to meet like-minded people.
Another way to find friends with similar interests is to join a club or social group that shares your passions. You can find social groups through www.meetup.com , a website connecting locals with the same hobbies. Whether it’s a happy hour for young professionals or a kayaking trip down a rollicking river, there’s something for everyone on this site. Depending on where you move, you may also want to take advantage of what your new town has to offer. If you’re near the mountains, join a hiking group. If you’re near the ocean, join a boat club. Also, make sure to check out whether your alma mater has an organized alumni group in the area. If you can’t find a club that suits your interests, form one yourself! It may take several different tries until you find the right fit, but you’ll find your people eventually.
Adopt a dog
If you can afford to take care of a dog and aren’t allergic, I highly recommend adopting a furbaby when you move to a new home. Owning a dog will not only make it easier to meet your new dog-friendly neighbors, but it will also provide you with companionship during lonely times. Dogs can be a great conversation starter, making it easy to approach (and be approached by) neighbors and potential new friends. Since adopting my poodle, I’ve been amazed at how many locals I’ve met just by walking him daily, visiting dog parks and attending training classes. Studies also consistently show that owning a dog can lower anxiety, stress and loneliness while improving your physical health. Dogs do require a good deal of responsibility and time, so make sure you carefully consider the decision first. In my opinion, the benefits of canine companionship far outweigh the drawbacks of pet ownership – especially when you’re new to a city.
Take it easy on yourself!
Remember: all friends start out as strangers. It’s not easy to make new friends as an adult – let alone, make them in a new city. Moving is tough. So give it time and remember that you are an awesome person, who deserves other awesome people in your life. Just continue to put yourself out there. The right friends will find you eventually. Good luck!